People around the league have been watching LeBron’s continued lackluster effort as the Lakers close in on missing the playoffs. Fahoo News has reported that sources close to LeBron have stated that he will be faking an injury somewhere between March 15th and March 17th causing him to sit out the rest of the season. It’s been a tough run for LeBron and the Laker’s and it appears that the excessive Vino abuse has finally caught up to him. But LeBron faking an injury and the Lakers missing the playoffs is not the big story here. The true story lies in the future for when LeBron inevitably takes his talents to Looney Toon Town this summer marking the 4th time he’s switched teams in his career.
Now to be fair there has been a lot of pressure placed on LeBron James for this upcoming Space Jam season. The self-proclaimed GOAT, who has nearly won 9 NBA Finals if it weren’t for the 6 losses, now must take on his biggest challenge yet; Chasing the greatest Toon Squad player of all time, Michael Jordan, who earned that spot in just one game. We’re talking about a man who dragged his team back from a 48 point deficit at the half to win a game. We sometimes forget that MJ went 22 for 22 in this game for 44 points. People like to bitch about the Lakers surrounding cast now, but try dragging Stan Podolak’s fat ass to a victory. What happens when Bugs hands out LeBron’s secret stuff? All we’re going to have is a bunch of blackout Looney Toons off cabernet and I think we can all agree it’s better if we don’t see what Yosemite Sam says when he’s a little tipsy. Bigleys isn’t trying to say that he’s the best judge of character but Sam seems like the kind of guy that allows a racist remark slip out here and there when he’s sippin the vino…
Now I think it’s a fair argument to say that Jordan was at age 30 compared to LeBum’s 34 during his epic Space Jam run. But there’s also an argument to be made that Jordan was abducted off the golf course, during a time when he had retired from basketball because he was literally too good only to play pro baseball. On top of that, the man played through being crumpled into a ball by the Monstar’s and even dislocated his own arm to hit the game-winning shot. Now I want to make sure this article does not come off as being biased. Bigleys doesn’t really care about these guys who get paid millions of dollars to play a child’s game. But let’s be honest, put LeBald James in that same last-second situation as MJ and he’s dishing the ball to Bill Murray the second he says, “I’m open.” But I guess that doesn’t matter, we’ll see how it plays out this summer. If it follows anything like this year he’ll most likely passive aggressively tweet at halftime about how Daffy Duck should have played through his concussion in the first half. But let’s move on…
Reports from all over have been leaking out in the past couple weeks. A shocking report by Barstool came out and said that LeMissedFreeThrow was already calling to fire the Looney Toon’s head coach. Now the shock wasn’t so much that he wanted his coach gone because LeFireTheCoach tends to do that, the shock was that LeChoke was unaware that a Toon Squad coach did not exist. James then LeTweeted an image of Arthur’s fist… Again I’m going to start a new paragraph because 22 articles into Fahoo News and I’m still not totally sure how the paragraph thing works.
ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski has reported that both Terrytoon stars, Mighty Mouse and Deputy Dawg, have signed with Super-Agent and LeBron’s biffle, Rich Paul. By no one's surprise a report by Bill Simmons came shortly after that there had already been some rumblings in the locker room between LeBron and his cartoon peers. Trade rumors have been flying through the media. The one that seems to hold the most weight is the blockbuster that involves trading Terrytoon’s Mighty Mouse and Deputy Dawg to the Toon Squad for Bugs Bunny, Sniffles the Mouse, Bill Murray, and four first-round picks. Now the Terrytoon’s are expected to cut Bill Murray after the trade due to old age but the rest of this has LeChoke James name all over it. As his contracts usually go LeFake’a’Injury has signed a one and one deal, meaning a one year deal with another year as a player option. The Toon Squad does not want to give up their next 4 first round picks but Le3-6intheFinals has threatened to leave if they do not grant his wishes.
Arguably the biggest hole in the Looney Toon roster is anyone willing to play defense. Bill Murray speaks for both him and LeBron when he says, “Wohhhh, I don’t play defense.” So trading an old, injury prone Bill may make sense, just like when LeHater left his injury hindered best friend, Dwayne Wade, in Miami. The best move is talking about Mighty Mouse who is easily, 10x the player that Sniffles is, although Sniffles famously brought the team together. He was a glue man which is a very underrated aspect of a basketball team. Deputy Dawg is definitely a big body that can bang down low in a physical game like Space Jam but, the man is an outdated center. He’s a good boy, no doubt, but he’s slow and lethargic. Finally, both Terrytoon players are great in their own right but neither of them even come close in giving the same value to a team that Bugs Bunny does. That man is the heart and soul of the team. When the team was down at half in 1996 who brought out Mike’s Secret Stuff? Bugs. And who made the defensive play at the beginning of the second half to go on the unbelievable run that the Toon Squad went on? Bugs. To trade bugs is like to trade Draymond Green before he started to completely blow. And on top of all this 4 first round picks?! Absurd I'd say.
So here it is, the first (sports) reporter willing to give their true opinion on the LeCocky James situation. I believe that the Tune Squad management should move LeBron, the Tasmanian Devil, and a first round pick to Uncle Drew 3 for Giannis Antetokounmpo. Let’s just be honest, the Greek Freak just matches up better against the Monstars not to mention that he’s 10 years younger than LeCroak. “But Mr. Bigleys what about their 3 point percentage?” Relax Billy Bean, in the last game between the two squads an exact amount of ZERO three-pointers were made. In 1996 six 3 pointers were made in a game compared to the eleven made in today's NBA. I, personally, am a big analytics guy. So if essentially two times the amount of three-pointers were made in Space Jam 2 then a total of zero would still be made. Basic math. I wish Le60%FromTheFreeThrowLine the best but in my personal opinion, a person who has scouted Space Jam over 200 times in his life, I don’t see him pulling this off against the same Monstar’s team. Good luck King LeQueef.
Comments