FaHoo has always taken pride in standing up for the underdogs. That's exactly why we've decided to release our 1st annual 2019 NCAA Basketball Average White Guy All-American Team.
Scan to the end of a bench at a D-1 collegiate basketball game, and you'll find a group of 4-6 white guys. You may have mistaken them for season ticket holders who spent way too much in the school store for exact warmup replicas. The reality: These guys are the walk-ons.
Now I know what you're thinking, "Are you sure their parents didn't photoshop their faces onto images of actual athletes as a part of that college admission's scandal?" Honestly, I can't answer that truthfully. What I do know, though, is that white guys all across America live through these dudes. When we look at them, we can pretend like we're not that far off of being a D-1 caliber player. No matter how much these kids dominated high school ball, we can still act as though we could beat them in a game of pickup. Enough of me wasting your time, lets get right to it...The 2019 Average White Guy All-American Team:
PG - 6' - Michael Savarino - Freshman - Duke
2019 Stats: N/A
Choosing our starting, backup point guard was the most challenging decision I had to make during this process. Take a look at the end of most college benches, and you'll find a sea of small white guys. They could easily be mistaken for the Kappa Sigma doorman at the annual jersey party. Despite this massive pool of talent, I think you'll see why I chose this diaper dandy.
Accolades:
-Safe to assume he'll 4 point college
Strengths:
-COACH K'S GRANDSON
-Has no stats
-Goes to Duke
-Has a combover that says, "I wear it because it's convenient, not because it's in style."
Weaknesses:
-For being Coach K's grandson, he showed a little more swagger than we would have hoped:
Career Highlight Via Duke's Player Profile:
-Nothing is whiter than shooting 91% from the free-throw line in high school
Player Comparison:
SG - 6'1" - Justin Lindner - Redshirt Junior - Florida State
2019 Stats: 3 GP, 3 MPG, 1.3 PPG, 1 RPG
FSU is loaded with white guys at the end of the bench this year. They even have a name for their scouting team: The Green Vipers. There's no denying Justin's is a stud. He's got everything you want in a walk-on. Initially, I planned on having a strict 2-minute per game rule, but when I came across Justin, I knew I had to make an exception. I think you'll see why.
Accolades:
-Graduated high school with a 4.2 GPA
-2X Dean's List / 3X ACC Academic Honor Roll
-1X Unsung Hero Award (Essentially player of the year for white guys at the end of the bench)
-2019 NABC Academics Honor Court
*The NABC Honors Court recognizes the talents and gifts that these men possess OFF the court and the hard work they exhibit in the classroom
Strengths:
-Enjoys juggling and singing in spare time (direct from FSU bio)
-Majoring in Applied Mathematics
-Twitter bio pic is him celebrating on the bench:
Weaknesses:
-Needs to tighten up his combover. It appears as though he pushes it over.
-3 MPG: More minutes than I'd like to see
-Good looking dude; Worried he may be getting too much pussy
Career Highlight Via FSU's Player Profile
-"scored his career-high of 4 points to go along with 2 rebounds in Florida State's victory over Chicago State"
Player Comparison:
SF - Will Miles - 6'6" - Junior - Florida State
2019 Stats: 3 GP, 2.7 MPG, 0.7 PPG, 0.3 APG
Arguably the most controversial pick on this list, Will comes in as the second Green Vipers player to make this year's team. What will cause the most up-stir is whether or not his hair is truly a combover. What can I say, though? I have a liberal definition of what a combover can be. Despite what you think about the hair, there's no denying that Will is a purebred average white guy.
Accolades:
-3X Deans List & ACC Academic Honor Roll
-2019 NABC Academics Honor Court
-2X Unsung Hero Award Winner
Strengths:
-3rd generation average white guy on FSU:
-His father, Bobby, averaged 2.2 PPG in 3 years, his uncle, Blake, played 10 career games, and his grandfather, ROBERT HERSHEL MILES, was a walk on at FSU during the 1956- 1957 season.
-The Manning's, the Ripken's, the Curry's, the Miles; all synonymous
-Doesn't have a Twitter
Weaknesses:
-Played 4 minutes against Chicago State
-Played three games in a row this season
Career Highlight Via FSU's Player Profile
Player Comparison:
Robert Hershel Miles / FSU '56-'57 / Before Stats (BS)
PF - 6'9" - Thomas Collier - Senior - Auburn
2019 Stats: 1 GP, 2 MPG, 1 BPG, 0 PPG
Not for a second did I think I would fall into a Thomas Collier Google black hole, but one thing led to the next, and now I'm a born-again Christian.
Accolades:
-National Honors Society
-2019 NABC Academics Honor Court
-2 Time Tennis State Champ (Only thing better would have been hockey)
Weakness
-Lack of work experience
Strengths
-No Twitter
-Has a LinkedIn
-2 total points in 3 years at Auburn
-No videos show up with him playing, not even hudl
-Has an all-time gif:
Career Highlight Via Auburn's Player Profile
Player Comparison:
Dalton from Accounting / Texas '94-'98 / 68 Words Per Minute Typed
C - 6'11" - Walker Miller - UNC
2019 Stats: 6 GP, 1.2 MPG, 0 PPG,
0.5 RPG
Before I go on this rant, I want it on the record that it's all out of love. Nothing makes me happier than a 7-footer who sees as much time as a 5'10" walk-on. Chances are, Walker despises the game of basketball. This poor guy just happened to be 6'5" as a 3rd grader.
"Well, if he can just grow into his body..." has been said an infinite amount of times during his basketball career. That day will never come. God got impatient and sent this one before he could add the athleticism, foot speed, strength, muscle mass, balance, or eye-hand coordination.
He gets the same disappointed look after every blown layup that I received from my parents every day I made it home safely from the bus stop. For all of those reasons, Walker Miller is the captain of this year's Average White Guy All-American team.
Accolades:
-Smart enough to go to Dartmouth
-Honor Roll Student
Strengths:
-Brother, Wes Walker, is 5'11" and won a Nat'l Championship in 2005
-No Twitter
-Went to high school in New Hampshire
-Made me feel bad talking about him just by his picture
Weaknesses
-3-star recruit
-Undecided Major
-Tall
Career Highlight Via NC's Player Profile
Player Comparison:
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