It’s a trick that Mr Bigleys has kept in his back pocket for years. One that I had initially planned on keeping ‘til the grave. But with FaHoo becoming the media conglomerate that it is, I owe it to you to share my secrets.
Every year I start a fantasy football league with 9 of my biggest liberal friends. In their minds, I've chosen them because of the friendship that we've built over the years. That assumption is dead ass wrong. I've hand-selected the libs because I know they won’t choose specific players due to their “moral superiority.” So, for anyone looking to dominate, here are 7 fantasy sleepers for a left-leaning league:
1. Tyreke Hill
If you follow the NFL, then you know Hill has had his fair share of issues. He beats women, kids, and most importantly, defenders. The guy’s speed is deadly. And with Patrick Mahomes set to have another big year, this man could single-handedly drag your team to a chip. According to Real-Time Fantasy Sports, his average draft position (ADP) is 15th overall. But, according to FaHoo’s fantasy experts, Tyreke has been dropping as low as 112th in ANTIFA leagues. Assuming that your league will be closer to the mean, we recommend targeting Hill in the mid-30s. At 25 years old, Tyreke still has plenty of speed to outrun his defenders and legal cases.
2. Joe Mixon
This may be the hardest one to predict with so many variables. It includes a minority, a woman, and a gay dude. In liberal circles, the combination of these groups is known as the “Power 3.” When they go against each other, though, it’s like watching a glitch in the matrix. To clarify; When Mixon was in college, he was caught on camera knocking a woman out. It created so much buzz that even Greg Hardy called Mixon, “The next Greg Hardy.” As more of the story came out, though, Twitter didn’t know who to cancel.
Apparently, the gay man that the woman was with had called Mixon the ‘N’ word. Mixon acted out of rage and got in the woman's face. The woman looked at the 6'1", 280 pound running back and thought, "I can take him." SHE COULD NOT TAKE HIM.
For this case as well as others, you have to get a feel for who's in your league. Bring it up in conversation and see how the people react to it. In a normal league, Mixon is being drafted 12th overall. Our advice? Look for him to drop around the early or mid-’20s in lib-leagues.
3. Baker Mayfield
Grabbing his nuts, being loud, talking shit…if he weren’t white, he’d be crucified by the media. How much truth do liberal statements like these hold? Not enough for me to lose my fantasy league. His ADP is currently around 83, expect him in to drop between 105-115 overall in a lib-league.
4. Zeke Elliot
If there’s one thing that libs hate, it’s ‘Merica. Unfortunately for Zeke, he plays on ‘Merica’s team - The Dallas Cowboys. He was suspended during the 2017 season after being accused of domestic abuse by his ex-girlfriend. Despite being found innocent in the court of law due to the wild inconsistencies in the plaintiff's story, Zeke was suspended, costing Bigleys the league. It also probably didn’t help that he exposed a woman’s breast during a St. Paddy's Day parade that same year. He thought it was an act of feminism freeing them titties. The bras have been oppressing titties for years... Either way, use your lib meter. He could go as high as top 10 in some lib-leagues and undrafted in feminine leagues. On average, we'd look for him in spots 15-20.
Deep Sleepers
5. Kareem Hunt
The Chiefs ran into a sticky situation last year when Kareem Hunt kicked
a girl in a hotel lobby. They now had two offenders: Tyreke Hill and Hunt. Unfortunately for Hunt, there was video and he was cut. It has been argued (by other’s NOT Bigleys) that this so-called “kick” was more of a push with Hunt’s leg. It was kind of like when you drop a piece of chocolate and you see your dog about to take a dive for it. You have two choices: let the dog eat the chocolate and die OR kick (push) the fuck out of that dog. Luckily for you, the story is still fresh in a lot of liberals minds. His ADP in normal leagues is currently 110. Look to snag him with one of your final picks as a handcuff for Nick Chubb.
6. Big Ben
His former running back, Rashard Mendenhall, recently called Big Ben a racist during a Twitter rant in April. To be honest, Rashard has a point. History shows that Big Ben scares away teammates. During his 16 year tenure, it's estimated that hundreds of players have left the Steeler’s organization, many of which were black. Coincidence? There was, of course, that whole “bathroom rape” thing as well…Nothing a couple Super Bowls can't help...Take him with one of your last 2 picks if you miss on Baker.
And last but not least...
7. Everyone on the Redskins
Because Redskins...
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